Showing Up Naked™  Peeling Away the Layers to Your Authentic Self

The Birth of Fear...

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 17:41:46 -0400

We all love babies and little children. They are a reminder of all that is pure and innocent and loving - untainted by the social programming and fear to which we as adults have been subject. We, too, were once those innocent, unconditionally loving bundles of love and light. Truth is,we still are.

Before we learned that we were anything but love, we knew we were connected to everything. We were in awe of life, of nature, of every bug, animal, and living creature, as well as rocks, shells, and blades of grass. Everything was a curiosity, and we wanted to explore and experience all of it. And just like our parents, and their parents before them, we lost something that was beautiful and rich and true. We lost our natural innocence.

It’s not difficult to imagine why. From our earliest memory we hear the words, watch the role models and participate in the rituals that have brainwashed us into believing we are inherently evil, born in sin, filled with guilt and shame, and must now spend the rest of our lives trying to make ourselves pure enough, and good enough, to be worthy of forgiveness and acceptance.

My cousin’s 6-year-old son recently asked, “Mom, how come I feel guilty all the time?” At a loss for words she asked, “Well...did you something wrong...maybe something you forgot about?” Shaking his head, he insisted, “No, I thought about and I can’t think of anything...so how come I feel guilty?”

She didn’t have an answer for him, for how do you explain to a 6-year-old something that we as adults are still trying to understand? I remember feeling the way Joey described as a child, and looking back now I can’t help but wonder at what age I bought into the guilt and shame.

We have inherited a world of guilt and fear. We are educated about it, programmed to identify with it, and taught to look for it. A perceptual lens has been handed to us, and because our head creates our world, we are now filtering everything through that lens of fear.

The way back to the pure innocence and joy and peace that we experienced as children is to free ourselves from perhaps the greatest lie ever told - that there is something intrinsically wrong with us.

*This is an excerpt from my upcoming book, due out later this year.

JOIN ME FOR THREE POWERFUL WEEKENDS THAT WILL CHANGE YOUR LIFE!

It’s about addressing, and letting go of, whatever is in the way of our joyful experience of his life, and the authentic unfolding of each moment free from the burdens of the past.

I. YOGA & SELF AWARENESS
(Raise Self Esteem, Renew Your Sense of Purpose, Regroup)
Here we explore who we are as individuals and where our self concept came from. We start with the question, “Who am I?”, and then we go beyond the self to consider our role in the world and explore the second most important question of our lives, “Why am I here?”
September 24-26, 2010 in Deland, Florida

II. YOGA & EMOTIONAL EMPOWERMENT
Obesity, Alcoholism, Insomnia, Anxietyand Depression are at an all time high. Living this way take us out of the flow of life, requiring us to push against it, rather than flexing and moving with it. True emotional empowerment requires being grounded and centered in your Self, so you know how to hold yourself in relationship to the world around you. Will you square your shoulders and brace yourself as you move headlong into the wind? Or will you relax back into your center and feel your way into life, respecting each gentle breeze as you learn to dance with the beautiful subtle energies of life? Here we learn how to gather energy and strength from our emotions, rather than being overwhelmed by them.
October 22-24, 2010 in Deland, Florida

III. YOGA & COMMUNICATION
(Better Relationships Through Communication)
You can always assess the quality of your life by the quality of your relationships. Here we learn the skills we were never taught before about what it means to be in relationship to the world around us. Become a better listener – to yourself, to others, to life. Remove the blinders that limit your perception. Learn to become defenseless, and therefore stronger than ever before.Speak your truth, and live a fully expressed life.
November 12-14, 2010 in Deland, Florida

When Does Positive Thinking Become Dangerous?

Mon, 19 Jul 2010 13:55:17 -0400

There is a popular belief that has been misinterpreted, misunderstood and, I believe, misused. The mind is a powerful tool, allowing us to co-create with life. And while the mind is powerfully creative, we do not live in a vacuum. We cannot know what lessons we are here to learn, or to help others learn, and what through the actions of others has yet to be revealed to us. This is a soul’s journey, and it is only with great compassion and humility that we can walk it with true grace.

We don’t control the world, we create our realities based on the way we choose to interpret and respond, but there are much larger forces at play.

To believe we control life is dangerously arrogant. At the least it is used as a more insidious way of judging ourselves and others. At the very extreme, it can cause us to cease listening, operating under the belief that if we believe something strongly enough, we can bend life to our will.

How damaging and presumptuous of us to tell a rape victim, or a mother who has lost a child, that they created that experience, somehow inviting it into their lives. Or that the victims of 9/11, and their families, are somehow to blame for their demise. And while these men, women and children may one day be able to find a gift borne out of that experience, it is compassionless to rob one of their right, and their need, to feel and process their experiences in order to come out on the other side of it. We are not machines quickly calculating the benefits of every life event without the need to experience any emotional fallout. Nor would we want to be.

Life is a much more complex web of interwoven laws and theories, and it seems like a gross over-simplification to say anything we are experiencing is a result of our thoughts alone. I believe in the Law of Attraction, but I also believe in the Law of Gravity, and no matter how much we tell ourselves we can fly, if we jump off of a building we are going to fall - at least at this stage in our evolutionary journey as human beings.

I’ll never forget the lack of compassion I once heard in a fellow yoga teacher’s voice as she shared the story of a friend who was murdered. While going through a separation and potential divorce, and the disappointment and re-grouping that kind of life change invites one to engage in if they are going to keep their life real, she was attacked and killed by an intruder. I cringed as I heard the story-teller share her suspicions that the victim may have been depressed, which would explain why in her weakened emotional state she could attract such a thing into her life. I neither felt, nor heard, any true or genuine compassion in this person’s voice as she espoused her newly acquired belief so confidently.

Then there’s the new-age guilt this engenders for anyone on the conscious path who is trying so hard to create with conscious intent only to realize they have created something else.

It makes light of the human journey, and is most doggedly professed by those who recently found the power of positive thinking, and just haven’t been disillusioned yet. It’s a better-dressed form of judgment and blame, almost imperceptible in its new duds. This new-age pop-psychology feels like such an improvement over the old victim-mentality, because if you’ve been walking through life hitting yourself in the head with two hammers, and suddenly you realize what you’re doing and drop one of them, it feels like a dramatic improvement, but you’re still hitting yourself in the head.

Sometimes the honesty is the work, not the changing of the mind.

If I kept believing that I controlled life with my thoughts alone, I may have put a lot more time and energy into bending the reality of my experience when I was in the corporate world to fit some ideal in my mind, maybe almost convincing myself that I loved it when I genuinely didn’t. I could have used visualization techniques to manifest more or less of something, almost buying into the belief that I was getting what I truly wanted. And while to a degree I may have been successful, it wouldn’t have been in alignment with a deep, inner truth that there was another, richer path for me to take. I would have missed out on the gentle nudges of spirit - of life - encouraging me in a new direction. I would have missed out on the wonder and beauty of the last ten years.

I have come across those in my travels that only see the value in feeling good, and won’t stop long enough to be real, even with themselves, out of the belief that the mind is so creative that to allow anything other than bliss is an error. But how real can that really be?

We think an average of 60,000+ thoughts per day, and it would be impossible for us to monitor all of them. But if we can learn to become aware of the energy that is moving through us, to recognize and allow rather than stuff or deny what is happening for us, and then strengthen our ability to let go and transcend our fluctuating emotional state rather than try to deny or control every one of our thoughts, we stay real...we stay honest.

There is no light without shadow. There are those that live in houses where everything you see is neat and in order, but you look under the bed, or open up their closets and you find a chaotic mess. It’s the same new-age “guilters” that would have you believe there is no value to anger, sadness or grief - some of the emotions with the greatest gifts to share.

Our emotions always have a message for us, and if we tell ourselves there is no true value to certain ones, we are more inclined to pretend we aren’t feeling what we’re feeling. All of this can lead to completely missing the message.

Author and speaker Marianne Williamson says the Universe is simply here to agree with us. Do we really think we can fool the universe into believing we are happy and positive because we portray only that to the outside world? True humility means recognizing that life is at least as smart as we are.

The real work is not avoiding difficult emotions. It’s getting quiet enough, and honest enough, to recognize what is old, egoic stuff looking for a fix of drama and suffering, and what is spirit talking to us, inviting us into another moment, another opportunity, to be completely and uncompromisingly honest with ourselves.

By Erica Boucher

It's Time For Us To Stop

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 11:25:03 -0400

It’s time for us to stop. To stop doing, pushing, forcing, struggling and trying so hard. For many, life has become a struggle, and we are exhausted before our day even begins. In a world where everything is speeding up and technology has kindly stepped in to make our lives run more smoothly, we’ve simply expanded what’s required of us, and become overloaded with responsibilities. Multi-tasking is considered a natural by-product of success, and those that have convinced themselves they are truly happy are the ones that are able to do it all with a smile on their faces.

But while we are focusing on filling our roles as employees or business owners, parents, spouses, caretakers to our parents, responsible neighbors, involved community members, politically proactive persons and homeowners, there is little if any time left for the most important relationship we will ever have in this lifetime…the one we have with ourselves.

As life around us has reached warped speed, it is easier to clamor for a quick fix, a way to self-medicate, an opportunity to numb out, than it is to simply stop, breathe and check in with ourselves. In a time and place where slowing down or stopping altogether is judged lazy, weak and unproductive, the innate desire to do just that has become shrouded in guilt. We think to ourselves, why should I be the one that needs to step back and re-evaluate the quality of my life, when everyone else seems to be doing just fine?

And that’s the biggest misconception of all. Everyone else is not doing just fine. We’ve just learned to keep going…to wake up, put on the social mask, and go through the motions.

When you start to become more aware your Self and look around you at others standing in line at the grocery store, sitting in traffic, at colleagues, friends and neighbors going about their lives, you begin to see that the vast majority of them are on automatic pilot, too. While pumping gas they are thinking about an interaction with the boss the day before, or mowing the lawn while reliving last night’s fight with the spouse, or driving home from work while stressing over where the money is going to come from to pay this month’s bills. Have you ever arrived at your destination only to realize you have no recollection of the drive?

So distracted are we by the thoughts, worries and fears filling every crease and crevice of our minds that we have lost touch with the present moment. For the most part inner peace and happiness are fleeting feelings, often closely linked to some external event in our lives.

I have allowed myself to be pulled from my center more than once, and have floundered about, looking for peace and connectedness outside of myself, feeling angry and disappointed when it doesn’t present itself, or when it does but for a short time before evaporating into thin air. Quick fixes never last. And true peace and lasting happiness will never be found outside of ourselves.

After a lifetime of moving through life virtually asleep, it’s time to learn to sit and be, without the constant compulsive behavior of doing…moving from one distraction to another.

By Erica Boucher

We Teach People How to Treat Us

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:15:18 -0400

Patterns in our thinking show up as patterns in the body. And without even saying a word, we show people whats going on for us inside. There is a saying amongst massage therapists that, "the body doesn't lie," which is what makes it so easy for an astute, intuitive bodyworker and healer to read somebody's energy. When I see people standing and walking as they go about their lives, I can almost always get a sense of where they are based on the way they hold themselves, and the way they move. Often I can feel a person's self confidence and enthusiasm, or depression and low self esteem, as if they've donned it like a cloak.

In yoga, there is an asana (posture) called Tadasana, or Mountain Pose. Here you are encouraged to stand tall and intentionally; to elongate your spine and lift your heart toward the sky; letting your shoulders relax down your back, all the while grounding yourself as you become very aware of your feet touching the Earth. It's a very confident, powerful stance - like standing at attention, but without the tension.

Tadasana is a great opportunity to notice how we hold ourselves in relationship to the world around us. Through our bodies do we energetically meet the world from a place of inner strength and confidence? Or are our shoulders rounded, head bowed forward as we buckle under the weight of life, our posture an indicator of just how exhausted and powerless we feel?

And when you add language to the mix, choosing words to communicate your inner reality, you further define yourself for, and to, others. The way others treat us is in direct response to the way they see us treating ourselves. If we honor and respect ourselves in all ways, others will do the same. We set the standard. We create our reality. If we are hard on ourselves, berating and blaming ourselves for mistakes or when things do not go as expected, others may feel comfortable doing the same. In other words, if we are willing to blame ourselves when things go awry, they may be willing to as well. If we are kind and gentle with ourselves, honoring and respecting our humanity and remembering that mistakes are what help us grow, others may see that in us as well.

One thing we can be sure of, nobody is going to give us anything we are not willing to claim for ourselves. If they did, we wouldn't be able to receive it anyway.

We teach people how to treat us. Everything we do and say, every mannerism, speaks volumes about who and what we are. Every choice we make conveys a message about us. Without even necessarily saying a word we are communicating with those around us. Consciously or unconsciously, we are always communicating.

Start by noticing your posture, and how you hold yourself. Next time you are standing in line at the grocery store, washing dishes in the kitchen sink, or brushing your teeth, take a moment to check in and notice how you are standing. Make a conscious choice to stand tall, and confidently claim your space in the world.

Then choose your words, and your actions, wisely. They send messages to the world around you, and like powerful magnets attract the people, circumstances and opportunities that can meet you at your level. If you want to change your reality, start by being conscious of the way you are showing up in your life.

By Erica Boucher

What Are You Ready to Create?

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:13:45 -0400

Your life is your canvas. In yoga we learn of a current of energy moving through us called the Manifesting Current. It is a current of creativity.

From the Sea of Infinite Possibilities a seed of raw potential is planted, and shows up in our mind as an inspired thought. If the mind is open enough to receive it, that thought begins to take shape, formulating as an image in our minds. That image, brought more and more into focus - like the fine tuning of the lens on a camera - becomes a vision in our minds.

If we believe in the vision and in ourselves enough we start to put it into words, speaking it into existence in the minds of others, as well as our own. If the audience is chosen wisely, and our vision is supported, the energy around this possibility strengthens, and we start to feel it as a possibility. If our heart is open, and we give ourselves permission to feel it happening, the energy continues to solidify, and we start to take action. Those who lack heart will not take the steps necessary to call this idea forth into existence, and the energy will fade, the flame dying out. This is where the saying “all talk and no action” comes in. The heart has to be on board, then we must be willing to move, to take action, to do what needs to be done, and to have confidence in our ability to do so.

The next stop - or go - in the channel of creation is recognizing our inter-dependence on each other. We need each other. If we are healthy, open and aligned, we will attract all the right people, circumstances and opportunities needed. The health of our life is a direct reflection on, and extension of, the health of our relationships. And the health of our relationships is a direct reflection on, and extension of, our relationship with ourselves. We are all in this together, and nobody has ever accomplished anything great without the love and support of others.

And finally, if the energy is still moving, alive around this possibility, and we are grounded and stable and focused enough to give birth to it, this inspired thought which was nothing more than an idea is born through us.

We are creative beings. Allowing energy to move through us is to create, is to be alive. If we are not creating, energy is not moving, eventually getting hung up...stuck. And if energy is not flowing outward in a creative way it is being turned inward, driven into the nervous system. If this continues long enough, that energy eventually collapses in on itself. I know far to many people who are just making it through life, essentially waiting to die, their lives lacking spark because their internal flame has so diminished it has very nearly extinguished.

Life isn’t something to be gotten through, it’s something to be celebrated. If we aren’t celebrating, more than likely we’ve stopped creating.

Only creative people are happy.
OSHO

By Erica Boucher

Honor Yourself In Relationships

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:12:47 -0400

Every healthy relationship with others begins with a healthy relationship with your Self. Failure to love and honor your Self leads to your own sense of self being lost, your personal power depleted, and your peace of mind and security determined by the actions of others. This leaves you feeling victimized, out of control, reactive, and insecure.

Allowing this slippery slope to occur in your relationships sets you up for disappointment, and the relationship either becomes painfully dysfunctional, or dies a slow and agonizing death. In the end you are left feeling lost, abandoned and confused, and your self esteem plummets to an all time low.

To avoid this relationship pitfall, a healthy relationship requires you to honor You, and to constantly evaluate and re-evaluate who you are and who you are not in relationship. Redefine your relationships and recognize them as incredible opportunities to grow and evolve to higher and higher levels of self awareness. Set appropriate boundaries, learn to say “no” if something feels uncomfortable and does not honor you, and spend time alone, cultivating the most important relationship you will ever really have – the one you have with yourself. Doing so sets your feet on firmer ground, allowing you to be more centered and balanced in your relationship, and less needy, clingy and dependent.

Making these choices, consciously, increases your feelings of personal power – which will also be felt in other areas of your life. Conscious and healthy choices raises your self esteem, and cultivates and nourishes a sense of inner security that is unaffected by the actions of others.

Keep a strong network of friends, continue to grow as an individual both outside of and inside of the relationship, speak your truth and practice deep listening. When we see relationships as the opportunity for personal growth that they really are, we can avoid de-valuing ourselves by making somebody else the center of our world. Allow your self to be self-centered - not in a selfish, egotistical way, but in a self-full and self-loving way. Being centered in your Self and coming from love within is also honoring and loving others. Because it allows you to be more grounded, secure, honest and real. Respecting your Self requires others to respect you. Strive to discover and become your authentic Self in all of your relationships and they will become enjoyable, enduring and deep.

By Erica Boucher

Make Your Life Interesting Before Your Mind Does It For You

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:11:45 -0400

We are reality producing machines, creating our present experience based on old programming. As children our subconscious minds are wide open, and like sponges we absorb everything we witness, hear and experience. Like a computer, we are downloaded with an operating system based on the information that came in long before we even knew how to write our own names. We don’t even begin to develop a filter for all that we observe until around the age of 7.

Now take the raw data that came at us throughout our lifetime, and add to that the interpretations we made, often erroneous, about what really happened. And like an old record stuck in a groove, we keep replaying a song over and over again, bringing into our current reality recycled experiences of our past. The players may change, but the story line is the same. Everyone else in our life simply becomes a foil for us and all that we have yet to learn. This continues until we finally have our fill of that old story and decide to break out of the pattern of thinking that recreates it over and over again.

Then there’s the unconscious programming that has been passed down through the lineage, from one generation to the next. I remember when my grandmother died her sister, whom I barely knew and had only met maybe a couple of times, came to her funeral. That evening as I walked around the corner into the dining room, I stopped short and took a double-take as I was sure it was my grandmother sitting there at the table. Her sister was holding her head in the same tilted way my grandmother did when she was listening intently to someone, and her gestures and mannerisms were almost identical. What’s more, I realized I engage in the same ones. Somehow, these mannerisms had been passed down through the family tree without any conscious intention. This often makes me wonder, if simple hand gestures and facial expressions could be mimicked and learned so easily and subtly, what other familial beliefs, thought patterns and behaviors have been inherited? And could this be why some habits are so deeply ingrained they seem nearly impossible to break?

Not to mention the karma that is passed down from previous lifetimes. They say matter cannot be created or destroyed, so every cell that is in you and me now has always been in existence. So now we are dealing with cellular memory that is so deeply ingrained, its in our DNA. I have witnessed more than one past-life regression where someone with a current condition in this lifetime was able to trace it back to an experience from a previous life while in hypnosis.

And it is from old programming, deeply ingrained in an operating system that is beyond our conscious awareness, that our interpretation of current events is made. Knee-jerk reactions happen quickly, often leaving us feeling embarrassed for having lost control in such a manner, guilty because it happened yet again, or angry because we can’t seem to control it and therefore it becomes easier to blame the other person...and the cycle continues.

But our feelings stem from our thoughts, not the other way around, and our thoughts are generated from a belief system that is so deeply ingrained we buy into it as if it is absolute truth. Those beliefs are a product of everything we’ve ever been taught, told, experienced or witnessed.

The way our of this reactive, disempowering loop is to become aware of our assumptions. Even with the awareness I have gained of how the subconscious mind works and influences everything about our perception, I still find myself, when I’m not careful, engaging in an old storyline. I know I have done this when I feel myself contracting, shutting down, and judging myself or another as right or wrong, good or bad. Judgment is a sure sign that we are stuck in a story line.

The mind, like a computer, is programmed to look for patterns that are familiar, and it is so good at doing this we see things even when they are not there. Even when only pieces of the puzzle are present, we will often fill in the rest with our imagination in order to complete the pattern. So it is helpful for us to check in with ourselves often and ask, “is it true?”, and begin to challenge our assumptions.

When a pattern repeats itself often enough that we are finally able to see it, there’s a gift in that. Because only then can we decide if we are truly finished with that reactive loop.

Think about a habit pattern in your life of which you are ready to be free. If you can trace the feeling back to the sponsoring thought behind it (and this part can be tricky because it requires you to be uncompromisingly honest with yourself), then you can acknowledge that thought and bring it forth into your conscious awareness. Now that you are willing and able to look at it, consider for a moment what the underlying belief is that generates that thought. If this is a belief that does not serve you, that is ultimately harming you and wreaking havoc in an area of your life, are you willing to replace it with a new belief? One that serves you better?

There’s an opportunity here to pull the plug on those outdated, erroneous beliefs. But whenever you let go of something in your life you are creating a space, and if you aren’t deliberate about what you fill that space with, you will likely fall back into the old pattern. Replace the old belief with a healthier, more empowered one. Stop feeding energy to those thoughts that don’t serve you, and start feeding the ones that do.
One of my favorite quotes is:

Watch your thoughts, they become words.
Watch your words, they become actions.
Watch your actions, they become habits.
Watch your habits, they become your character.
Watch your character, it becomes your destiny.

Use this awareness to consciously create your life. Start by knowing what you want, then focus your thoughts and energy on that. Pay attention to where you are going, not where you have been. See what you want, and feel it as if it is already happening. Keep moving in that general direction with all of your thoughts, decisions and actions. You will be amazed at what starts to show up.

Feeling stuck? Consider this: What are you more afraid of? The belief that you don’t create your reality, or the belief that you do?

By: Erica Boucher

Mistakes Are What Keep Life Interesting

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:07:52 -0400

When we think back and consider those events that warrant their own mark on our timeline of life events, it is the mistakes, as well as the achievements, that shaped us as individuals. Without them, there would be no nuances to who we are. It is often where we muck up our lives the most that mushroom our greatest spurts of growth. If somewhere along the way we choose to be awake and aware of how our lives are unfolding, we can recognize and see how these mistakes humble us, build character, and give us depth.

Think back to your most recent mistake, a choice made that resulted in an inconvenient or even disastrous outcome. Now muddle through the memory all the way back to the original thought, the point of choice that led you in that direction as opposed to another. If you are able to become uncompromisingly honest with yourself, and strip away any face-saving story that may have been weaved around that decision, chances are you knew there was an element of risk involved, but ventured down that road anyway. Somewhere, either in the recesses of your mind, or even floating around frontally, the information was there; the information that warned of potential danger. Yet you made a choice to see it through, in spite of the inherent risks.

Why, then, when things go awry do we beat ourselves up and succumb to guilt and shame? Or, worse, act like a victim taken painfully advantage of? Imagine if we could choose to look at our lives more honestly and objectively, without all of the emotional excuse-making and denial we, as humans, tend to engage in. Wouldn’t we live more freely, and with less angst, if we could forgive ourselves for our mistakes, and recognize that it is those mistakes that have ultimately enriched our lives the most? Sometimes it takes some time and perspective before we are able to take this powerful step. But without it, we can stay painfully and stubbornly stuck in the past.

A life not lived is the tragedy, not the mistakes that we make. The mistakes are gifts, opportunities to grow and expand and evolve in new ways. If the area in us that is most challenged by our mistakes didn’t need development, we would never have felt the need to go down that rabbit hole to begin with. On some deeper level, we were inviting the universe to put our next lesson before us. Some of us learn that lesson more painfully than others. And however we choose to make the trip - be it kicking and screaming, or grounded and with our eyes wide open, we can be sure that it won’t be our last. Life is full of moments of choice, and there is no way of knowing exactly how something is going to play out. Sometimes it is worth taking a chance, for without taking risks we may end up with a life not lived.

And regardless of the outcome, peace of mind comes from how we frame something in our minds. We get to choose who we are going to be in relationship to the mistakes in our life. We can let it beat us and break us down, or we can choose to acknowledge the lesson learned and let it strengthen who we are at our very core. Knowing this, perhaps we can take accountability for our actions in a way that builds character, and then forgive ourselves and let it go. Whatever we choose, we can gain some peace if we can remember, even if for just a moment, that mistakes are what keep life interesting.

Which begs the question: Were they ever really mistakes?

By: Erica Boucher

Empath Yoga: A New Approach to Emotional Resiliency

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:05:59 -0400

Perhaps the biggest challenge in today’s world is to experience all of life - the joy, ecstasy and bliss, along with the disappointment, heartbreak and pain, and still keep an open heart – to remain fully awake, aware and alive. But without this conscious intention, many of us will shut down, become guarded, reactive and defensive. Yoga is a powerful tool to help us not only release tension in the body and quiet the mind, but to also soften and open the heart.

We’ve all been hurt before, and experienced disappointment, heartbreak and loss. Without the knowledge and awareness of how important it is to let this energy move through us, rather than shutting down around it, we begin to let past hurts dictate our future. Physically this shows up with a slouched posture and rounded shoulders as we collapse in on ourselves in an attempt to protect our hearts from future wounds.

From the earliest age most of us have been receiving messages that it is not okay to feel anger, sadness, insecurity, fear, or any other emotion that is deemed negative. For many, this showed up in statements like “stop crying or I’ll give you a reason to cry” or “boys don’t cry”, or even “stop being so emotional.” With these words and others, we were taught that anything other than happiness and joy is not valid, and so begins the guilt and shame that surrounds so many of our lives.

Now, as adults, and after a lifetime of stuffing our emotions deep inside, many of us are brimming over with that which has remained undealt with. Yet it still keeps calling to us, stalking our every move and nipping at our heels, waiting for us to stop long enough to allow all that we have been running from to catch up with us.

This would explain why one of my new yoga clients expressed confusion as to why she couldn’t seem to relax in the evening until she had downed a bottle or more of wine. So resistant was she, like most of us, to being in the moment and risk feeling what rose to the surface that she chose to numb out instead, and this became her nightly ritual, and the only way she could reach a pseudo-relaxed, peaceful state. And she’s not alone in her journey, as is indicated by the fact that there are 14 million alcoholics in America today.

This isn’t the only compulsive behavior we engage in, which is why over 64% of Americans are overweight, or obese. Even with these coping mechanisms, insomnia affects more than half of the U.S. population, with as many as 58% of adults complaining of sleepless nights at least a few times a week.

But perhaps the most alarming statistic of all is that anti-depressant usage is up 800% in the last 10 years. This trend toward disowning what’s coming up inside is affecting us at younger and younger ages, and sadly it is pre-schoolers that are the fastest growing market.

All of this points to the fact that it’s time for us to stop running away from ourselves. True emotional resiliency means giving ourselves enough credit to know we can allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel, confident that once we do, and come out on the other side of it, we will be lighter, and stronger and more at ease than ever before, perhaps since we were children.

There has developed such a disconnection between our minds and our bodies, many of us have become lost in an endless stream of mental chatter that is so busy, we have become like heads walking around without bodies. We become so lost in the thoughts, the story, the illusion, that we no longer have a relationship with, or even feel, our bodies. Yet it is a connection to what is happening inside our bodies that connects us to our center and grounds us.

Most of us believe we are healthy enough if we spend time and energy focusing on caring for our physical bodies, as well as intellectual pursuits. But very little attention is being paid to our emotional wellness, which is the very energy that fuels us, and it affects the quality of our lives. For many, long after they have cared for the needs of their physical body, and stimulated their minds with intellectual pursuits, emotional health is the last frontier.

But this is a beautiful time we are living in. As the world around us changes rapidly, more and more people are turning their focus inward. When the world outside appears crazy, it’s the only place left to go.

And no journey of self discovery can go far without a willingness to recognize what it is we are feeling. In a world with so much mental noise and external distraction vying for our attention, something as subtle as a feeling can be easily ignored. But without a willingness to see, own and understand the subtle energy that moves through our bodies, we can never truly know ourselves.

Our feelings always have a message for us. And if we choose to ignore them our body starts sending louder, more obvious messages which will, if denied long enough, eventually manifest as dis-ease in the body. Denying our feelings is like holding a beach ball under water; it cannot be held down forever, and eventually will push its way to the surface.

All too often we wait until we are on our knees, exhausted from trying to impose our will on a situation unsuccessfully before we are humbled enough to stop, pay attention, and start opening our minds to the possibility of a new way.

This is what inspired the birth of Empath Yoga, a yoga immersion experience and certification course. Empath Yoga is the natural culmination of nearly a decade of work and experience with individuals and groups throughout the world. Students of Empath Yoga first learn how to create and hold the space for themselves, and then for others. The approach is simple: provide a safe place for clients to get in touch with their truth, to feel what they need to feel so they can come out on the other side of it, and support and empower them to make powerful choices in their lives.

The sense of lightness of being that comes from letting go – of the tension we unknowingly hold onto in our bodies, of the restricting old tapes that we replay in our minds, and of the feelings that we have stuffed deep inside – is unlike anything that can be described in words. It must be felt. It must be experienced.

By Erica Boucher

Listening: A Great Way to Make Yourself Heard

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:04:23 -0400

Imagine, as a teenager in today’s world, what it would be like to come home to a parent who is completely available, willing and able to listen to you completely. This caring adult listens to you attentively with interest as you give a discount of your day; the conflicts you encountered, the successes and failures you experienced, and how you feel about yourself at the end of the day as a result. Imagine being given the opportunity to share what is coming up for you with an open-minded, non-judgmental, unconditionally accepting adult that holds the space for you while you process difficult emotions, confusing thoughts and frustrating feelings with which you may be struggling. Afterward, you feel fully received and seen by that person, validated, understood and valued. You can then shed much of the frustration from the day and move on in an emotionally healthy way. This is an ideal picture, but for most of our children, it is not the reality.

Unfortunately, we have become a society that does not listen to each other. This results in many people feeling alone, misunderstood and insignificant. Imagine the thoughts going through the minds of our children when they have emotions and feelings going on inside of them with which they don’t know how to cope. Today’s children have much more complicated, heavy-duty issues to sift through than we ever did. And we adults are failing, sometimes miserably, at giving them the tools to effectively deal with them. Often, mom and dad are so busy with work and other stressors they are unable to be fully present for them, and other adults, be it family or neighbors, are often too wrapped up in their own dramas to put forth the effort. This results in our children not feeling seen, heard or understood. Could this be the reason school violence has become so common? Is it possible these children are giving a cry for help? Could they be feeling confused and scared, not knowing how to deal with the difficult thoughts and feelings going on inside of them, and there is nobody around who really seems to care anyway?

Many children today have learned to get their acceptance, validation and importance through interaction with friends, often going through the same internal conflicts as they are, and together they find distractions to free their minds of the frustration, confusion and fear that they carry within them. These distractions can be alcohol, drugs, gangs, or other unhealthy and anti-social behavior. This scene is played out all too often in our society today and little is being done to break this cycle.

This cycle affects us in our adult lives as well. Our failure to listen effectively has resulted in a disconnected society. As a result of poor communication skills relationships suffer or fall apart completely, an alarmingly high number of marriages end in divorce, our children choose less healthy outlets to cope and society in general has become separate, isolating ourselves from each other and adopting the attitude that “it’s a dog eat dog world out there” and we have to look out for ourselves. Neighbors stay strangers, drivers have become defensive and aggressive, and people in general have become rude with each other. In our fear and in our anger we have created an illusion of separateness.

Because of our emotional isolation from each other and lack of caring individuals that know how to listen and be there for us unconditionally and non-judgmentally, many adults also end up seeking their own distractions in food, alcohol, sex, drugs, or other addictions. The use of anti-depressants is at an all-time high, with a number of adults relying on them just to get through daily life. Others take a more proactive approach and seek counseling, in essence paying for someone to listen to what is coming up for them. The counselor then becomes an outlet allowing them to process difficult thoughts, emotions and feelings.

This pattern, although it happens all too often, does not have to continue. We can break the cycle by learning to listen, really listen, to others. Start with the people you care about most. Numerous studies have proven that communication and, more specifically, the ability to listen to each other, is the most essential quality in all relationships, be it personal or professional. In fact, of all other communication activities combined (reading, writing, speaking) we spend more time listening and yet we receive the least amount of education and training on how to do it effectively.

Listening empathically is the greatest gift you can give to another. When you are ready to listen with empathy this means you are making a commitment to understand the other person, not to offer advice or to criticize. Empathic listening provides the space for an individual to process out loud what they are thinking and feeling. Giving unsolicited advice, problem solving, or “fixing”, will only contribute to their insecurities and fears, making them feel powerless over their situation. As an anonymous author wrote about listening, “you can help, not with answers but with questions… not with advice or solutions but with hope… not with protection but with assurance.” Often, just being there and holding the space is all that is needed.

Many times people are not even aware of what they are feeling because they are so caught up in the mental thoughts they are having about the situation or event. When you help guide them to their feelings, this is when they gain a new level of insight into what is really going on inside of them and it is then that they can get to a point of reaching their own answers.

Begin working with the people with which you come into direct contact. You will start to witness all of your relationships transform and deepen. Although it takes effort to create a safe space for others to be fully present without letting our own perception and judgments get in the way, like working an atrophied muscle, flexing your listening skills will, over time, yield great results. When you see how appreciative your loved ones are when they know they have been received, understood and validated by you, you will want to start offering that gift to others. People will gravitate to you, knowing they can be themselves without fear of judgment or disapproval. Personally it will make all of your relationships stronger and healthier, professionally it will allow for open and honest communication with an increased respect and trust level. This gift allows others to unfold, open up and show themselves. Imagine what it must be like to feel “seen” for the first time when you have felt invisible for so long.

By: Erica Boucher

Open to Divine Inspiration

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 10:02:38 -0400

We have access to an unlimited source of power and potential. We entered this world as pure love…pure potential. Along the way in our journey, we are exposed to people, events and circumstances to help us grow and gain in our understanding. But if we haven’t been taught to see the gift in every situation, to learn the lesson and allow any emotions the ego-mind associates with that experience to move through us, that energy can get stuck.

That stuck energy blocks our channel, making it harder for us to see, hear and receive inner guidance. We start to believe we are alone in this world, unsupported, needing to defend against forces out there.

We forget what we once knew, that we are connected to everything, and everyone. We start to look at the world through eyes of separation. It’s us versus them, or at least us and them. We forget that we are all one and the same.

Getting stuck in the story-line of what happened, projecting that same story, or a similar version onto the future, ensures that we will experience more of the same. The only way to break free is to allow that which is unprocessed or unhealed to be acknowledged and released. We can choose to look for the gift in everything that has ever happened to us, forgiving ourselves and others for all of our perceived mistakes, and theirs, and then LET IT GO.

Guilt and shame, anger and blame do not serve us, and only keep us spinning our wheels in the mud. Forgiving ourselves and others, and letting go of the story, frees us to return to the natural innocence and openness we once knew.

Realize I am not saying we should never feel anger or sadness or grief, only that we should not hold onto those feelings, thereby storing the energy in our bodies and blocking us from our ability to receive divine inspiration. Letting go and opening up our channels allows us to experience our connection to life, and to spirit. Each moment is fresh and new, no longer written over by the past. New possibilities find us and may be born through us.

Yoga, meditation, Qi gong – there are many ways to help free us from stagnant, stuck energy. Find your way onto your path, and enjoy every step of the journey.

By Erica Boucher

Wise Decision Don't Come From Your Head

Fri, 2 Jul 2010 09:54:00 -0400

Living a truly authentic life means being guided from an intuitive place within. This is the only way to ensure we are not merely playing out some old outdated programming that no longer serves us, or living uninspired, “safe” lives and simply waiting to die.

Living an inspired, full life sometimes means dancing to the beat of a different drum. Asking for advice or following some formulaic decision-making process does not allow our life to be an organic, continuously evolving experience. We tap into our truth, our greatest source of divine guidance and direction, by checking in with ourselves and feeling for the next right answer… and “right” is entirely subjective. Nobody else can give you that.

Consider a current decision you have been mulling over. You can have your truest, most authentic answer right now. First, be honest with yourself about what your choices are, then play them out in your mind one at a time and notice how each possible scenario feels in your body. Those feelings are your spirit, your truth, communicating with you.

If you still find yourself waffling, consider to what degree fear is playing a part, and if that’s the place from which you want to live your life. And what would courageous look and feel like? I had to ask myself this same question when I was considering going to the Philippines, and fears around leaving my business for that length of time had me straddling the fence for a while.

If the next right step on your path still is unclear, perhaps the best possible answer needs a little fine-tuning. Consider what would need to happen in order for this to feel right. A friend shared with me that she had been experiencing minor symptoms of post-partum depression. It took first being really honest with herself that something wasn’t feeling right, and then some reflection and self honesty for her to realize being a stay-at-home-mom wasn’t what she wanted. Once she let go of her own self judgment around what kind of a mother that made her, she eventually hired a part-time nanny and started freelancing, and now her life is feeling more balanced. Sometimes a little tweaking goes a long way.

You may even want to play out in your mind what would happen if you did nothing, because choosing not to decide is still a choice. How does that one feel in your body? A client struggled with leaving his unfulfilling, stressful and demanding job out of fear of what the future may hold, yet everyday was a physical, mental and emotional challenge just to get through. While it took him a while to get to a place of real clarity, he eventually drew his own conclusion that doing nothing was slowly but surely killing him.

We are all starting to wake up from a collective dream, and cookie-cutter lives are holding less and less appeal. Be willing to look at your perceived limitations. Watch for statements that contain the words “I can’t”, “I should”, or “I shouldn’t”. For many, now marks a time of beginning to think and live outside of the box.

When you have felt your way into the right answer to the question, you will know…you will feel it in your body. The more you choose to listen from that place, the more quickly and efficiently that guidance will come. It was actually there all along. And the more you practice this level of deep listening and self honesty, the more efficient you will become at noticing when something is out of alignment.

This may be something as simple as a choice around what to eat. When you are looking back and forth between the tub of ice cream and the apple, think it through. How will you feel after the initial satisfaction wears off? Then, if you still go for the ice cream, do so without guilt or regret. Stand by your choice, and choose again next time from an even wiser place. The choices you make today will influence the ones you make tomorrow.

Remember, this is your life. Nobody else gets to live it for you. It is an intricately woven tapestry made up of all of your choices. Let it be your masterpiece.

By Erica Boucher

Developing Trust in Yourself

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:53:32 -0400

I remember once learning about something called the Emotional Bank Account, which is an analogy for the trust level in our relationships. If we make consistent, healthy deposits - deposits like keeping our word, being fully present, being patient, kind and a good listener - the relationship has a strong, high trust level. If our withdrawals far outweigh our deposits - withdrawals like not keeping our word, lying, cheating and breaking promises - the trust level drips dangerously low. Done often enough and long enough, we will eventually bankrupt the account. This is when the relationship dies, or becomes seriously dysfunctional and unhealthy.

This is true also of our relationship with ourselves. Every time we make a promise to ourselves that we don’t keep, we are making a huge withdrawal from our own trust account with ourselves. If we keep abandoning ourselves and our own ability to choose, and to follow through on our intentions, we loose faith in ourselves. The world out there becomes bigger and scarier as our faith in ourselves and our ability to choose is diminished. We start to feel powerless and victimized by the world, and act from a place of hoping we’ll be able to do what we need to do, rather than knowing that we will.

I remember a coaching client of mine about to complete his third advanced degree saying to me, “I hope when I finish this degree I can finally relax and enjoy spending quality time with my kids.” I said, “Well, who’s going to make that choice for you?”

Nobody is going to brush our teeth for us, eat our lunch for us, or take our shower for us. We have to fully participate in our own lives by the choices that we make. Whenever we start a sentence with, “I hope I can...”, chances are we don’t even trust ourselves enough to know if we will do what it is we want to do. It’s like saying “I’ll try”, which sets us up for failure right out of the gate.

A friend recently asked me what personal freedom meant to me. After thinking about it for a moment, I realized it was having faith in myself to make the right choices in my life, because I know my life is a product of the choices that I make.

We develop trust in ourselves by remembering that we have the power to choose. Every moment of every day we are faced with choices that will strengthen who we are at our very core, or weaken us. We are strengthened or weakened by the choices that we make.

Start rebuilding your trust account with yourself by making promises to yourself that you know you will keep. If there’s any chance you won’t, don’t make the promise yet. Wait until you know you are ready to follow through.

You can start by making little promises and allow those deposits to add up over time. Or make a big deposit, like quitting smoking or starting a new project you’ve been procrastinating on, and feel your trust in yourself skyrocket.

By Erica Boucher

Dancing With Spirit

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:52:22 -0400

Whenever I think back to the times when my life was a struggle, there was always an element of me trying to force something. Either things weren’t happening as quickly as I wanted them to, according to my time frame, or what was showing up didn’t look exactly as I wanted it to, and therefore I couldn’t see the value in it.

There is so much talk about The Secret and the Law of Attraction these days, yet I think a fundamental element of the process of creation has been glossed over, or lost entirely.

While it is important to clarify the vision of what we would like to create in our lives, if we are too rigid in our thinking, too specific on the How and the When things are supposed to happen, we create a vacuum that does not allow for spirit to have its say.

The lives lived with most effortless ease appear to be those that leave room for a co-mingling of these two energies; our heart-felt vision of the masterpiece we would like to live our way into, while allowing room for divine inspiration to co-create that work of art with us.

I call this dancing with Spirit – seamlessly blending a clearly defined mission mixed with deep listening and an acute awareness of what is showing up.

When we allow Spirit, or whatever you want to call that creative energy that so beautifully orchestrates this Universe in which we dwell, to co-create with us, we end up with something that is so much more beautiful and inspired than anything we could have come up with on our own.

We don’t need to get caught up in the details (my friend calls this “Mad How Disease”); we merely listen and pay attention to the signs showing up all around us.

And if something is showing up and you are not yet sure what it means, or if it’s the next step in your ever-evolving, organic journey through life, a helpful thought may be, “this or something better.” Leave room for more information to reveal itself. Welcome and pay attention to the signs that are showing up all around you. Then trust. You’ll know when you know.

By Erica Boucher

Seven Days in Silence

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:50:31 -0400

When one of my yoga students told me she was going on a 7-day women’s silent retreat, I was instantly intrigued. Having been through a dozen or more different workshops over the years (some transformational and profoundly healing, some devastatingly traumatic and wounding), I was leery of exposing myself to more concepts. What I needed was the space to just be, clear my mind, and breathe. I needed a break from everything, including my work, so a yoga retreat held no appeal. But 7 days in silence, now that could be cathartic on a deep level.

Instinctively I knew there would be no new techniques to bring home and begin applying to my life, I wouldn’t be forced to confront myself or anybody else, and I wouldn’t have to be inside my head in order to understand and grasp some new theory or view. It would be just me, immersed in the moment, along with 99 other women doing the same. How hard could that be?

I arrived at the retreat center in Barre, Massachusetts looking forward to my experience – somehow knowing it was exactly what I needed. As the other ladies arrived I was impressed by the wide range in ages – there were young women apparently in their 20’s, and more mature ladies in their 60’s and 70’s. We started arriving on Sunday afternoon and had our first meal together and an opportunity to meet some of our fellow meditators. Interestingly, one woman was there for her 15th annual retreat, for another it was her 12th visit, and still many others that had been returning for 5 years or more.

After lunch I explored the retreat center to get a sense of the space in which I would be spending the next week. A former monastery, the accommodations were simple and unadorned. I shared a dormitory-like room with another retreat participant and there were shared bathrooms down the hall. The white walls were bare and even lacked artwork or inspiring posters. Meals were shared in a large cafeteria and we were each given a chore to help keep the center clean. It was my job to wash the vegetables for the following day’s meals.

As the afternoon progressed I became increasingly nervous as reality started setting in. For the next 7 days and nights I would not be talking to my friends or family, there would be no distraction from television or music, no books to read, no journal in which to record my thoughts.

Knowing we were just minutes from going into silence for the week, I desperately wanted to talk to my beloved. I found the basement where the only public phone could be found and joined the line of other ladies with the same idea. We had been forewarned the call would be ridiculously expensive, and it was. This turned out to be a great deterrent from giving in to a weak moment and calling home. And being high in the Berkshire Mountains of Massachusetts, I wasn’t getting a signal on my cell phone. Near tears and realizing I really was quite cut off from the world, I headed to the meditation hall and the beginning of what I feared may be a very long week.

That evening, I slept surprisingly well, and awoke the next morning in a more positive state of mind, remembering why I was instantly drawn to this experience. The homemade, organic-yet- gourmet food was wonderful. There were no artificial sweeteners, no processed foods or meat of any kind. Yet, without the distraction of reading a cereal box or chatting with another guest, my meal took on a new meaning and I savored each bite. Mealtime actually became my favorite, most entertaining part of the day.

The day was broken up into sitting and walking meditations. The sitting meditation involved just that – sitting – anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes at a time, and was followed by a walking meditation of up to equal measure. The walking meditation was about walking, ever so slowly, from one side of the room and back, consciously maintaining awareness of every little micro-movement of the body. It was painstakingly slow for me in moments, but a nice change from all the sitting. There were no breaks other than meal times, and we were encouraged to stick with our practice even when we felt like giving up.

Half way into the week I found myself getting more agitated and anxious. The same spot in my upper-middle back ached during all the meditations, and my ability to breathe through it was becoming increasingly difficult. At one point in my sitting meditation I thought if I didn’t get up and leave I might scream. During the next walk I went to my room and devoured a chocolate bar I brought just for moments like this, and snuck back to the basement to call home. My brief conversation with my fiancé brought me a short-lived reprieve, but I still had 3 ½ days left.

In the next sitting meditation I again experienced the agitation and irritability as before. This time I chose to sit with that feeling and contemplated, “what is it that I am so agitated about? Nothing is happening. I’m not interacting with anybody, so it can’t be something that was done or said to me, and I don’t have to be anywhere else or doing anything else, so what is this agitation about?” It was then I realized I was experiencing withdrawals from the distractions of my life, and that compulsive eating and other self-indulgent behaviors were crutches that I used to avoid difficult feelings. Here, at this retreat, there were no such distractions – bringing me face to face with my own inner demons.

I considered calling a cab from Boston to the Berkshires, paying the astronomical cab ride to get to the airport, on top of paying the hundreds it would cost me to get an early return flight back home. After a few seconds fantasizing, I realized I wasn’t going to do that. Another option was to stay and continue to struggle through the remainder of this week, perhaps not even showing up to the meditations. But that left hanging out in my tiny dorm room with nothing but a candy bar wrapper to read, or sitting on the cold, uncomfortable chairs in the cafeteria staring at the bare, white walls. And with four feet of snow on the ground, there really was no other place to go.

After giving my options some thought, I reminded myself of my reasons for coming and decided to allow myself to feel whatever came up for me. It was at this point in my retreat I started gaining new insight into my own mind. I recognized that some of my discomfort and irritation stemmed from thoughts that I wasn’t doing “it” right: I wasn’t sitting perfectly still enough; I wasn’t keeping my mind clear enough; I wasn’t staying in the moment enough. How amazing it was to realize the discomfort I was experiencing came from thoughts in my own mind. When I finally got past my own defenses toward being with my thoughts and feelings, and when I observed what was coming up for me without judgment, I was amazed at just how hard I tend to be on myself. And I realized just how often I do that to myself – almost all the time, about everything! Talk about getting in touch with feelings about your own self worth.

From that point on in the retreat I practiced being kind and gentle and loving with myself and made that my only goal. There was nothing else to gain and nothing else to do. Whenever I found myself feeling anxious and unsettled again I would remember to acknowledge that I was feeling uneasy and just be with it. Then by staying with the feeling I would give it some space and allow my thoughts to unravel and reveal themselves to me. Each time there was a pearl of wisdom, an insight gained, into the way my mind works and how I perceive the world. I started to see moments of discomfort as opportunities to learn and grow. Gone was the desire to run away from myself and my thoughts. Now, I wanted to know.

As we approached the last morning of the retreat I was eagerly anticipating the reunion with my fiancé, my friends and family, and my cats. Home was calling to me strongly, but there was no desperation. I was okay within my own skin, honoring what it is to be me. There was sadness, too, in leaving this sparsely decorated building and the other women. Even though we were silent, there was an unspoken understanding. We were all there going through our own stuff, but yet together. And we recognized and respected each other’s integrity and strength in getting there, and seeing it through. Some were grieving the loss of a husband or a child, others were fighting cancer – each woman brought her own emotional burden. But in the end, there is an inner strength and confidence that comes from knowing you can be alone with yourself.

My trip home was bittersweet, and the traffic jams, long airport security lines and crowded flights were a reminder that each moment is an opportunity to practice observing my thoughts. I can’t say I remember to love myself all of the time, or that I practice meditation every day, but I am more willing to own how I’m feeling and trust that there is something to learn from all of my emotions. Although I still sometimes choose the distraction, now I know I have the option to just sit and be with what is.

By Erica Boucher

Conflict is Unavoidable

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:49:25 -0400

Conflict is unavoidable. All we can do is choose who we are going to be in relationship to it. In all relationships, personal and professional, we will experience conflict. This is not necessarily a sign that the relationship is bad or even unhealthy. We can learn to recognize that what has been unearthed is an area in need of development. Instead of preparing to go to battle, reframe the situation in your mind and see it as an opportunity for growth. It has brought to the surface an area that needs attention - it’s as simple as that.

Real growth occurs, for us individually and in our relationships, when we see the opportunity and avoid preparing our attack and defense. This is the difference between being proactive versus reactive. To be proactive means adopting a longer-term, visionary approach to the possibilities in any given situation. It means honoring yourself and the other person, as well as the relationship between you, rather than getting caught up in being right. The moment we indulge in an adversarial attitude, the lesson becomes a painful one.

Often we get frustrated, angry and upset and are unsure exactly why. Usually there is an underlying fear in existence. Rather than get in touch with what that might be, it is easier to blame another for making us feel a certain way. However, being proactive also means acknowledging that nobody makes you feel anything. If you are having a reaction to a situation, avoid pointing fingers and making accusations. Being empowered means recognizing that you are responsible for your own experience. Learn to own your “stuff”.

If possible, request a meeting after you have had time to reflect on what exactly are your needs. Ask yourself if you are coming from ego and just wanting to be right, or are you speaking your truth. Take time to find your truth. Utilize a journal, sit in silence or meditate. Then come from that place of truth.

Be willing to listen with an open mind. Is there an area where you can stretch? Agree to discuss the issue until you reach a solution that satisfies the needs of both parties. If you start making the other person wrong in your mind, you run the risk of slipping into an adversarial stance. Stretch your previous limitations. Find new ways to flex. Communicate clearly and respectfully.

The critical step is taking the time to recognize that the other party has needs as well. Practice deep listening with the intention to understand their point of view first. When you feel you can really appreciate their concerns (not in your head, but in your heart), paraphrase back to them, in your own words, your understanding until they know they are being heard and understood. They will feel validated and honored that you took the time to hear them, and this puts them in a better position to let down defenses and in turn hear you with an open mind.

Applying this approach to your personal relationships, realize that just as it may take you some time to gain clarity on exactly what need you have that is going unmet, so, too, does your partner. You can lovingly hold the space for him or her by practicing patience, tolerance and listening without judgment. Give your partner the opportunity to get to their own truth without feeling interrogated, attacked or shot down along the way.

For example, if your partner raises concerns about money, especially if this is a recurring issue (which Dr. Phil states 99.9% of conflicts between couples are about), realize that if it is still coming up it is not yet resolved. When faced with an unresolved conflict, you can do what you have always done in that situation, and probably get the same results, or you can choose a different approach this time.

Is it possible to listen on a deeper level? What are your partner’s real concerns? Is he/she fearful that the mortgage payment will not be made, or that you will not have the funds to send your children to college? If you listen, really listen, to what is being said
you will likely find that your partner’s concerns are not frivolous, nor are they an attempt to pick a fight. Rather, they are issues that are not disappearing. If this fear is that present, perhaps it is time to acknowledge it, rather than judge it and push it away.

Professionally, practicing conflict resolution proactively in your relationships will improve the quality of your work environment. Let yourself become the calm within the conflict - the “eye of the storm.” You will gain respect and be recognized as a grounded, level-headed and responsible person.

Create an intention now to grow from conflict and honor your relationships at the same time. This gets easier with practice, until eventually it becomes natural and automatic. As your confidence in yourself and in your ability to handle conflict grows, you will no longer be fearful of it. You will be able to relax. Allow yourself to be empowered by embracing conflict as one of the most potent opportunities for growth that exist.

By Erica Boucher

Expanding & Contracting: Trusting in the Natural Rhythm of Life

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:48:32 -0400

In yoga, we learn to tune into our breathing and let our bodies expand and contract around the breath. And the only way to stay healthy is to allow our breathing to be steady, consistent and natural. If we hold the breath in, or out, we cut ourselves off from life source energy. So the out-breath must be respected as fully as the in-breath, and well as the other way around.

We all recognize the value of breathing in- to provide ourselves with oxygen and energy. But how often do we honor the value of the exhale, allowing us to release toxins and purify the blood. This can be likened to a spiritual awakening. We love the awakening, the ride up the roller coaster, but often resist the rest of the ride; the unexpected turns and loops that disorient us for a time.

When we go through a spiritual awakening, it’s like taking a big breath in. We feel open, clear and expansive, and often believe that feeling will never end. Gone are the days of fear, doubt and disillusionment.

And then the need to breathe out arises, and actually cannot be avoided if the organism is going to live. It’s being at peace during the exhale, when the body is contracting around the breath, that is the true measure of our growth. How much can we trust in the next breath in?

In life, we grow so much while we are expanding, but often grow even more when in a contracted state – if we allow it. It’s resisting it that makes us suffer. It’s believing that we are no longer subject to that very natural rhythm that leaves us feeling as if we’ve lost something, and if disillusionment sets in, we can get stuck there much longer than we need to.

Everything in life has a rhythm, from the seasons, to the tides, to the phases of the moon. Everything that expands also contracts, except maybe the Universe itself, as the planets continue to create more and more space between themselves. But the Universe is pure consciousness; it does not have an ego.

We do. And if we truly transcended it and were no longer subject to the expanding and contracting that goes with it, we would no longer have a need to be on this Earth. I once heard someone say, “as soon as you reach pure consciousness and truly transcend the ego, you have only seconds left to live,” because your body can no longer contain you.

But how beautiful is that, to recognize that if you are still here, it is because there is more still for you to learn. And it’s only the resistance of it that causes our suffering. So what would happen if we truly embraced it all: the good, the bad, the ugly….and shined the light of compassion on it?

If we can accept and allow the joy, bliss and peace that come from knowing we are spiritual beings having a human experience, as well as the fear, doubt, anger and disillusionment that is a part of the human experience we are here to have, then we can experience true peace. And perhaps that is the lesson.

When we learn to recognize what we are feeling, accept it and breathe into it – whatever it is, and we combine this emotional awareness with a clear and focused mind, we have the formula for emotional intelligence. In her book Radical Acceptance, Tara Brach suggests that when joy arises, when gratitude arises, when love arises – it’s easy to embrace it. The gift is when we can say “and this too” when the anger, sadness and fear emerge, and accept and embrace them too.

In his book, On Anger, Tich Nat Han says if you injure your hand you don’t push it away and deny its pain. You take it in close; you tend to it, care for it, and nurture it back to health. Your anger is like that wounded hand. Only embracing it and loving that part of you allows the inflammation to subside, the healing to occur.

Carl Jung asked, “Would you rather be whole, or good?” To be whole, we must accept it all – the full spectrum of emotion. Failure to do so results in a splintered self. To be fully whole, we cannot deny any aspect of ourselves.

In her book, The Dark Side of the Light Chasers, Debbie Ford says that although most people think the color white is the absence of all color, in truth it is the inclusion of all the colors of the rainbow together. We cannot be light beings if we deny any aspect of ourselves; it all must be acknowledged and loved.

The true lesson is in learning to recognize, accept and allow the energy of all emotions to move through you, without getting stuck there. Just as you cannot breathe in forever, you cannot breathe out forever either. You must expand again. I often encourage my students to tune into that place where the urge to breathe begins. And then notice how good it feels to allow it.

And we are freed the moment we stop resisting what is, accept that it has become a part of our experience for a reason, and allow ourselves to be humble enough to learn the lesson we have been given with gratitude. This is true health, balance and freedom.

By Erica Boucher

My Skydiving Adventure Taught Me About Fear

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:47:19 -0400

They say when you repeat a thought pattern often enough, you create neural pathways in the brain that, over time, can develop into deep grooves of habitual thinking. The deeper those grooves become, the harder it is to change. Many times a habitual thought pattern is born as a result of a powerful stimulus that overrides the system, and when we become overwhelmed in this way there is just enough confusion created to cause us to keep thinking about the event, over and over again. As a result of that intense focus, and the strong emotions that usually accompany it, a neural pathway is either born, or becomes much more deeply entrenched into our psyche. And suddenly those thoughts become part of the filter through which we see the world.

So if a strong enough stimulus can affect us in such a way, why not use this knowledge to our advantage? This is what prompted me one day to stop in my tracks and say out loud, “I am going skydiving.” I could hear the surprise in my own voice when I said the words.

I had a full ten days after booking my jump to allow my head to come up with a creative enough excuse that I could justify changing my mind without losing face. But my motivation was clear. My skydiving adventure would serve as a microcosm of my whole life, and I would use it to observe my own mind. Would I contract when faced with fear, or expand? Would I allow the fear to be bigger than me, or would I allow myself to become bigger than the fear?

Over the ten days I observed the stories my mind started to weave, such as “it’s too expensive and I can’t afford it right now,” and “I’m too busy to take the time off for this”, to “what if I end up horribly disfigured or…dead?” But because I intentionally brought into the experience a conscious awareness of all the ways my mind would chew on this, I simply observed my thoughts instead of feeding them. I thought, “that’s just fear Erica, you can choose not to feed it.” Each time I interrupted the fear-based thought midstream and replaced it with a more empowering one. I kept visualizing myself standing at the doorway of the plane just before the jump, and knew that in that moment I would have to embrace trust, and then let go. If I could do that in the face of such a powerful stimulus, surely I could parlay that into other areas of my life. And it only took a couple of times before I witnessed my mind already creating a new neural pathway. It became easier and easier to recognize the fear and redirect my thoughts.

Because of that intention, fear never got a chance to get a foothold, and each day I could feel my excitement, not my fear, building. And although the jump was truly a rush, it was actually everything I experienced within myself leading up to it that was most memorable. Standing in the doorway of the plane I didn’t feel any fear, only exhilaration, because the fear had already been faced and I was then free to just be in the moment and experience the fullness of it. Amazing.

And so it is with life. If we can become conscious enough of our thoughts to notice when fear has burrowed its way to the surface, we can decide if we want to feed it or not. Do we want to nurture the fear and allow it to overwhelm us and rob us of our freedom, or do we want to expand and become bigger than the fear and feel the liberation that comes with that? And what would happen if we started doing that consciously everyday? In the beginning it might take some focused effort, but then once that thinking takes root and is nurtured a couple of times, this new possibility can blossom into reality.

By Erica Boucher

Letting Go of Our Stories

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:03:35 -0400

We all have our stories. And although the players may change, the story-line usually stays the same. The story is our history, and most of us cling to it with fierce determination – seemingly loving and hating it at the same time. The ego does not want us to let go of our stories, because to the ego, that means death.

In my workshops, I often ask participants to create a timeline on a large posterboard and, beginning with their birth and progressing forward to the present, to mark all of the events that happened in their lives they feel to be of any significance, no matter how big or small. “If it comes up, put it down,” I would direct. Initially, the bigger, more obvious events would stand out, but if given enough time and attention, other seemingly unimportant memories surface. It could take days, or even a week or more to feel complete with a life time-line.

And reviewing the events in our lives offers an opportunity to see the events a little differently, providing a vantage point that allows us to hold the events of our past a little differently. Just as when you stand close to a masterpiece in a museum you cannot truly see it in its entirety until you step back and gain a more panoramic view of it. Only then can you begin to ascertain the story the artist was trying to tell. When you are too close to it, the entirety of the piece is overwhelming to our senses and we are unable to gain perspective.

And just like any masterpiece, there is usually a main theme, with many smaller sub-stories that, when taken together, becomes a tapestry and tells a story that is rich in meaning and capable of evoking a wide range of emotions.

When we look back on our lives with new awareness and a willingness to see without getting caught up in the story we realize that it is just that – a story. It is our clinging to it that causes us to recreate and relive it over and over again. The characters and setting may differ, but the underlying theme is usually the same.

Liberation comes when we look back over our lives and shine the light of awareness on them, cultivating a healthy curiosity as patterns reveals themselves, as well as defining moments that, when we are really honest with ourselves, can admit where we are recreating the past in our lives today.

Then, the story becomes less about who am I and what is my story, and more about who am I without my story?

When we realize just how programmed we have been by the past, and how it has been showing up in our present lives over and over again, ensuring that the future is more of the same, we begin to see the gift that is letting go of the past.

You are an artist. Let your life be your art. Allow it to be inspired and fresh and new. This can only happen when we decide we are truly ready and willing to let go of the past.

Keep the lessons learned, and let go of everything else, returning to the present moment. It is in the here and now that peace of mind dwells. When we remove the story that has been running our lives, we are free to be present, returned to ourselves, to the state of pure consciousness from which we came, before all of the programming with which we were downloaded.

By Erica Boucher

This is a Beautiful Time We Are In

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 14:01:46 -0400

For many, these are scary times. We are dealing with economic distress, environmental concerns, and the pressure this is putting on our relationships. The very ground beneath us is opening up, leaving us standing on shaky ground.

The good news is this is creating a new space for us. Is this a gaping hole of emptiness to be filled with fear, or will we avoid feeling it altogether by self-medicating with food, alcohol, TV, or some other mind-numbing activity?

Whenever we let go of something from which we once drew comfort - be it a job, a relationship, or a habit like smoking, we create an opening. We can choose to fill that space quickly in order to avoid feeling, or we can enter into that space long enough to find the gift in it, and then come out on the other side.

In meditation, we are guided to enter into the gap, the space between our thoughts, and to allow that space to lengthen. It is in the open, empty space where we get to more fully experience the present moment - without the stories of the past keeping us stuck, or worries about the future paralyzing us. It is there, in the present moment, where divine inspiration has the space and the room to come through.

But if we quickly fill all the empty spaces with more to do, almost frantically looking for the next distraction from ourselves and the fear and uncertainty so many are faced with in these unfamiliar times, we are missing out on the gift.

This is a beautiful time we are living in. As the world around us changes rapidly, more and more people are being guided to turn their focus inward. When the world outside appears crazy, it’s the only place left to go.

When so much is changing outside, it is inevitable that we will be changed on the inside. We can fight it, avoid it, and maybe even delay it, but we cannot escape it. And this is a beautiful thing.

We as a species have to change the way we are showing up in this world. Mass consumerism and irresponsible stewardship of the Earth could not continue on the trajectory we were on forever. We were on our way to extinction, all the while pretending it wasn’t happening. We were asleep, and now we are waking up faster and in greater numbers than ever before.

This is often the way it is – we have to be on our knees, exhausted from trying to impose our will on a situation unsuccessfully before we are humbled enough to stop, pay attention, and start opening our minds to the possibility of a new way.

See this as a time to start over. Live in alignment with your deepest core values. Discover your truth and let your days, and those quiet moments, be guided by an internal compass. What better time to start answering the questions: Who am I? And what do I have to offer this life?

By Erica Boucher

The World Is Your Playground

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 13:59:13 -0400

Did you know that as children our subconscious minds are wide open for influencing by the outside world? Our filter of what we see, hear and interpret about incoming messages doesn’t start to develop until between the ages of about 7 to 11, and by the age of 15 that filter is pretty firmly in place. This means that the most casual, seemingly harmless statements made by others, or negative interpretations made by us to otherwise meaningless events can, under the right circumstances, leave us imbedded with erroneous programming that can limit us for the rest of our lives. If the incoming messages we received were always empowering, encouraging and served to help us expand, this would not be a bad thing. But often we grow up exposed to the limiting belief systems of others – be it teachers, religious leaders, neighbors, family members and even the media - that are outdated, disempowering and even harmful.

Once programmed with a belief, it often doesn’t matter what you tell the conscious mind; if the subconscious mind is not in agreement, the new thought is rejected. This is why many of us find it so challenging to change habits and outdated thought patterns. If, for example, you adopted a belief early on that you can’t do anything right, then it may not matter how much opportunity is afforded you, that deep-seated programming may keep you from even putting yourself out there. Or, if you got the message that you are “fat”, you may think and act like a “fat” person, and forever see your life through those eyes.

According to A Course in Miracles, “There are no idle thoughts. All thoughts have creative power.” Which is why Matthew Brownstein, owner and director of the Florida School of Hypnotherapy believes that “all healing is mental healing.” Since we are always creating our reality based on our thoughts, cleaning out programming that no longer serves us is an integral part of any program of personal growth and healing.

Apparently there are few ways to help reprogram the subconscious mind, and hypnosis is one of them. If the client trusts the hypnotherapist, and is willing, together they can lull the conscious mind into such a relaxed, receptive state you can actually bypass the conscious mind and plant new seeds of thought. Since every session takes you faster and deeper into hypnosis, it usually takes more than one, and maybe even several, to get the kind of results you are looking for.

Often I hear people say, “I don’t think I can be hypnotized.” Truth is 90% of the population is hypnotizable. Some just need a little more educating than others before they trust enough to co-operate with the process. And since every hypnotherapist has a different style and approach, you will want to find one with which you resonate.

Another concern people seem to have is that they will be “put under” and be programmed to do things they wouldn’t normally agree to. In reality, hypnosis is actually a state of heightened awareness. You are fully aware of everything that is being said, and can accept or reject any suggestion. Since all hypnosis is self-hypnosis, it may help to see the hypnotherapist as a facilitator or guide whose purpose is to assist you in accessing and tapping into your own inner resources.

But if you still aren’t sure that hypnosis is right for you, another way to convince the subconscious mind is through repetition, which is why I like working with mantra, or affirmations. A couple of the affirmations I work with and have suggested to clients are: “I let go and trust in the flow of life,” or “I am prosperous and abundant.” Repeat this to yourself 108 times twice a day (this is where prayer beads come in handy) for at least two weeks and notice the shift that takes place. Eventually, like a song you cannot get out of your head, this new belief will reverberate through you mind, sinking through the layers of your consciousness until it finds its way into your reality.

At the very least, start now by becoming very conscious of the thoughts that you choose to feed and focus upon. Remember, the thoughts you think today are creating your tomorrow. And your reality today is a result of your thoughts from the past. Start becoming consciously aware of what you are creating, and the world becomes your playground.

By Erica Boucher

What Are You Addicted To?

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 13:57:04 -0400

For years I have been counseling people to look at their addictions, be it food, drinking, smoking, sex, shopping, TV, etc. and to ask themselves what that compulsive behavior is helping them avoid feeling. Then they are encouraged to move into the center of that feeling (that is trying so hard to get their attention) and to feel it fully so they can move through it and come out on the other side. When that is done, a space opens up inside which must be consciously filled with something else (like yoga, or a new hobby), or we will likely end up putting more of the same back in, or something different but equally unhealthy. This is why when people quit smoking they often gain weight. They have just replaced one compulsive behavior with another. Fortunately there is a process that can and will absolutely empower you here if you are ready and willing to explore it.

But did you know we also get addicted to certain feelings? If you were raised in an environment where you felt a lot of guilt, anger or sadness, a certain chemical reaction happens in the body to which we, over time, can become addicted. Then the body starts to crave more of that particular chemical and we tend to subconsciously create situations in our lives that will allow us to experience that feeling and have our chemical fix.

Have you ever been addicted to anything? Most of us have whether we realize it or not. I, for example, have spent a good portion of my life hooked on sugar. I was raised on it (in a family with a history of diabetes), and as an adult there were times that no matter how full I was, I didn’t feel satisfied until I had my sugar fix (usually it was chocolate). I would daydream about it, look for opportunities to indulge in it, and even go out of my way to find it. Then, when I got it, the satisfaction (even euphoria) would last only briefly before I was left wanting more. An embarrassingly high volume of my energy has been expended in my life in search of the chocolate fix.

I also used to be a pack-a-day smoker. This was over ten years ago and, while they say an addiction to nicotine can be harder to break than an addiction to heroin, it can and is done everyday. It wasn’t nicotine withdrawals I most had to overcome. It was recognizing the moment of choice and choosing a better quality of life for me. The picture in my mind of myself being healthy, happy and free became stronger than any momentary cravings. I put the energy I had previously been giving over to smoking into riding my bike, exercising, and getting more active all around. It was right around that time I found yoga.

In the same way we become addicted to certain behaviors, we can become addicted to certain feelings. A person who experienced a lot of anger growing up may walk through life with their energetic “dukes up”, looking for their next justification to be angry. Or, if you are familiar with feeling victimized and powerless, eventually you may subconsciously look for, and even create, more situations to allow those same victimized, powerless feelings.

In his latest book, A New Earth, Eckhart Tolle refers to this as the pain body, and says its job is to seek out and create more of the same. It can be like feeding a hungry beast. This is also illustrated so nicely in the movie “What the Bleep Do We Know.”

Luckily, there is a way out of this disempowering, reactionary loop as well. Awareness is the key. What are your most frequently felt feelings and is there a part of you that is addicted to the chemicals released by that particular feeling?

Whether we are talking about an addiction to smoking, or anger, awareness is the key. Once you know, for example, that you have an addiction to feeling victimized, you are one step closer to a position of power. This time, instead of letting those feelings of victimization overwhelm you, let this new level of awareness allow you to put those feelings into perspective, so that you are holding them, instead of them holding you.

Then consider what would be a healthier, more empowering alternative.

Check in with yourself and see if you are interpreting this current situation that way out of habit, because that is what you have done so often in the past. We are reality-producing machines, and tend to re-create the past over and over again, until we interrupt that negative feedback loop.

The next time you start to think, or say, the words, “I can’t”, remember this. In his book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Victor Frankl (survivor of 4 Nazi-Germany concentration camps and the loss of his entire family, including pregnant wife) wrote that after every stimulus, there is a response. In between the two there is a gap, usually about 2-3 seconds in length, and in that gap lies the moment of choice. Start tuning into the power of that moment.

Once you do that successfully one time, it becomes easier to do it again, and again. Like any muscle, it becomes stronger every time you use it. To increase your chances of success, create another alternative response that you can give energy to in those critical moments. Then you have a choice. In one hand, you have an old, outdated, habitual response. In the other, a newer, more enlightened, empowered possibility.

Then play each alternative out in your mind. How will you feel afterward if you opt for the knee-jerk reaction? How will you feel if you chose the more empowered option?

My life choices now seem to come down to one simple question: “Will this cause me to feel powerful, expansive and free, or will it cause me to feel contracted, weak and powerless? The quality of our life is determined by the choices that we make. Every choice has the power to strengthen us at our very core, or diminish and weaken us.

But be gentle with this process. Whether learning to speak a new language, balance in yoga, or make powerful, enlightened choices, our early efforts tend to feel a little awkward and inefficient. With time, and practice, everything gets easier.

By Erica Bouchér

The Universal One Mind

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 13:51:54 -0400

If you believe like I do that all minds are joined then the answer to the world's problems already exists.

It is said that when Aboriginals separate and go on walkabout, there is no predetermined time and place for the tribe to come back together. Yet somehow their paths converge and they reconvene in some unspoken, unplanned way. Could it be that their minds are so uncluttered by cell phones and email communication, billboard ads and TV, that they are so free of the entanglements of technological advancements, so unencumbered by the fear and anxiety spoon-fed to the rest of the world by the media, that their innate wisdom has a chance at being heard, and guides them in ways their thinking mind never could?

If it is true that we only use 10% of our brains perhaps part of what is left unexamined and unexplored is our own innate inner wisdom. Einstein said, "The problems we face cannot be solved at the level of thinking we were at when we created them." It's time to start thinking outside of the box.

The answer to the problems we face today is not about fighting wars over limited resources, throwing money at a financial system that fell out of balance a long time ago, or shrinking and contracting in fear. What if we as a species are simply going through an evolutionary growth spurt and experiencing all of the growing pains that tend to go with that?

We all instinctively get that there is power in the mind that has been untapped. Now think back to what we can learn from the Aboriginals. If we knew that all minds are joined and our thoughts would have an impact on the collective would we choose our thoughts differently?

There is a phenomenon in meditation called the Maharishi Effect which claims that when 1% of a community practices meditation (specifically Transcendental Meditation) the crime rate in that community is reduced by an average of 16%.

We have been hearing for years about the power of creative visualization and most of us already know that what we hold in our minds and back with any kind of emotional intensity tends to be realized. There is at least some comfort in this, as is evidenced by the popularity of books and movies like "The Secret", "Ask and It is Given", and "What the Bleep Do We Know?" Even quantum physics states that our minds are shaping our very reality.

And we've all had the experience of thinking about a friend we haven't spoken to in some time only to have that friend call us out of the blue. Thoughts are energy and they travel faster than the speed of light. And just like we call into our experience a radio show by dialing into a particular channel frequency, we tune into a life experience by choosing into a particular frequency of thought.

I am convinced one of the lessons that we are all learning is that it's time to let go of the competitive us vs. them mentality, and begin to realize that we are all in this together. Every thought we think, every action we take, has an affect not only on the people around us, but on the world as a whole. We all know that what goes up must come down; for every action there is a reaction; for every cause, there is an effect. This is universal law. This is Karma.

Perhaps now one of the most powerful ways we can participate in the healing of the planet is to recognize that we are all part of the Universal One Mind. The more we focus on peace, the more we help our fellow man and ourselves. The Universal One Mind is affected by the thoughts we choose. If you want to save the world choose your thoughts carefully and intentionally. If enough of us hold thoughts of peace we will eventually reach a critical mass, and once that tipping point is reached perhaps the momentum will pull us all forward.

Try this on for size for one week and see what happens:

Go on a media fast. Stop exposing yourself to every fear-based, anxiety-producing movement of the world. Enough already. Turn off the news, go for a walk, join in a yoga class, read something inspiring.

By Erica Boucher

The Manifesting Current

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 13:49:23 -0400

In the yogic philosophy there is something called the manifesting current.

We manifest our reality first with a thought or idea, which may show up as a flash of inspiration or a sudden vision of some future possibility. If our minds are clear enough for that to come through, we have just received an amazing gift. It is a divine co-creation. From the ethers and into our crown chakra (an energy center located at the very top of the head) we are delivered a seed of thought, but it takes an open, fertile mind in which to be planted.

See it
Close your eyes and focus gently on the space between your eyebrows and back about an inch. Without effort or strain, notice how deep and vast that space is. Let it open up and expand. That is pure awareness…pure consciousness. It is there, in that very space, when you plant your most intentional seeds, you see that thought blossom into reality. The emptier our minds, the more open and receptive they can be. Meditation is a powerful way to pull the weeds and till the soil in preparation for new seeds of thought to be planted.

Speak it
When we take a divinely inspired idea and put it into words, it is like watering that newly-planted seed. The spoken word is powerful, for now it has been shared with another, and now two are holding that vision in their minds. This is why it is so important to share your dreams with those that you know will support you in them. If you are inspired by something, talk about it, and allow energy to build around it. I once hired a writing coach who told me to tell everyone that I was writing a book, for she knew this would generate some energy that would keep me focused on the project. Where attention goes, energy flows.

In the book, The Four Agreements, one of the agreements is to Be Impeccable With Your Word, as a reminder of the power of the spoken word. Finding our voice, and speaking wisely, is part of a powerful creative force.

Feel it
The next level of creation is when that thought meets with a feeling. Our feelings are the very energy that fuels our lives. As the Law of Attraction posits, if the feelings are positive and supportive - like enthusiasm, happiness and joy - that seed of thought is further nurtured and will begin to expand and grow. Keeping positive, inspired energy flowing around the original vision is of critical importance. If the emotional energy is not there to nurture the thought the creative process could be stalled, or stopped completely.

So what do we do if the feelings that arise aren’t positive and expansive? Do we ignore them, pretend they aren’t there, or try to change them by painting positive feelings over them? Or is there a healthier, more real, more authentic way of honoring those feelings? They are coming to the surface for a reason.

If it is true that we think an average of 60,000+ thoughts a day, we would be exhausted if we tried to control all of them. But if we allow ourselves to stop long enough to acknowledge what we are feeling – without worrying about whether it is positive or negative – is sometimes enough for it to let go of its hold, and then we very naturally and organically return to a more positive state.

Sometimes the feeling, which usually stems from a fear of some sort, needs a little more than acknowledgment. In these moments we can choose to allow ourselves to feel the feelings. We can welcome and allow that energy that needs to move through us by diving right into the center of it and, rather than suppressing or expressing it, simply be with it long enough for it to change. Giving ourselves permission to feel what we need to feel often allows it to release, like a knotted rope that saddens loosens and unravels.

Our feelings, when we stop long enough to immerse ourselves in them without getting caught up in the story, are often like wisps of smoke that begin to dissipate. But nobody every told us this, so we end up trying to make sense of the problem, expending a lot of mental energy thinking about it, and than further perpetuating it the story every time we share it with another. And the feelings get further buried and suppressed, or acted out as we express them in some sort of counter-productive way.

When we take the time to acknowledge what we are feeling, and welcome and allow it, that energy is able to complete itself, and often we very naturally return to a more positive place.

Choose it
The next step in the creation process is to take inspired action on our inspired thoughts and ideas. The third chakra is our power center. From her we recognize that we always have a choice, and we have the energy and self-discipline to make the choices that fuel the process of creation.

Every moment of every day we are strengthened or weakened by the choices that we make. The choices we make regarding the foods we eat, the activities we engage in, the people we surround ourselves with and the thoughts we feed affect how we are going to feel in the next moment, hour, day and beyond. The choices we make lay the foundation for all of our future moments. The experiences we are having now are a result of the choices we made in the past. This is karma.

We can change our outcome at any time by making better choices, and like a good GPS system, our trajectory is re-formulated to get us where we want to go from where we are currently. Although it may take us longer to get to our end destination then if we had never detoured at all, we can take comfort in the fact that we were never really lost. And it is often the little side trips we embark upon that we learn from the most.

Move with it
Moving further down the central channel toward manifestation we find the second chakra, and here we are enter into the realm of movement. The associated element is water, for it implies an ability to let go and flow within the creative process. I once heard someone ask: “what is stronger, the rock, or the water that splashes against it?” The rock is immobile, hard, stationary, while the water is flexible, adaptable and does not break or stay stuck in one place forever. It is in its flexibility that its strength is found.

Experience it
And then we have the final phase in the process of creation. Here, at the root chakra, we are dealing with solid matter. It is where that original thought or idea is manifest into reality. But it requires us to be grounded, or we run the risk of losing our center, getting off balance and unstable…easily swept off our feet.

Like a mighty oak tree, the deeper the roots go into the earth, the higher the branches reach for the sky. When our feet are on solid ground, we have a stable foundation, completing the current from pure consciousness and potential into manifest reality. Here, that original inspired thought becomes tangible. And gravity is a basic principle of the first chakra. Whatever it is, the more we have of something, that mass makes it easier to attract more of the same. This is true whether we are talking about wealth and abundance, or sickness and disease - the manifesting process is the same. The question is, what are now you creating in your life?

By Erica Boucher

Love Indiscriminately

Thu, 1 Jul 2010 13:44:35 -0400

One of the greatest, most unexpected gifts in my life was the time I spent working with the homeless. Unbeknownst to me it would be the beginning of my own spiritual journey, and the very time and place where I would fall in love with people, because one of the things I really got was that underneath it all - our past, our circumstances, our programming...we are all the same.

I learned that regardless of economic class, what kind of education or job one has, car one drives, color of one's skin or religious background - we are all innocent children wanting love, acceptance and understanding.

And every time, without fail, that I took the time to listen, truly listen without judgment to their stories and how they got to be where they are, I was humbled, and had to admit to myself that, given their same set of circumstances and life experiences, their exact life footprint, I too could be in their shoes.

It was this experience that taught me over and over again that when you strip away the story, the car, the house - all the symbols we use to place ourselves in categories and then judge one as better or worse than the other - when we are our most vulnerable, authentic, naked selves - we are all the same.

In order to do this, to live this moment to moment in our lives, we must recognize and free ourselves from the Ego. The Ego, with a big E, is what developed as the confusion of judgment and fear were introduced into our experience. A construct was born to help us function within a world of other Egos.

The ego is necessary and has served us well in this world. It makes it possible for us to function, to make choices, to say no, to have a job and get through college. It keeps us from walking out into traffic, or placing our hand on a hot stove. The ego makes observations and uses discernment to make the healthiest choices. The Ego judges, divides, separates and pits us against each other.

Everyone is a mirror for us, their behavior showing us aspects of ourselves that we proudly own, and parts of ourselves we can't bring ourselves to see, accept, or admit. It is only fear that causes us to push others away. In reality we are all brothers and sisters to each other. We are all part of the human race, and it is only our fearful perception that has led us to believe that we are separate, that it is a dog eat dog world out there, that we must fend for ourselves because nobody else will.

The separation is an illusion we have all bought into, and so we are living a collective dream. The way back to the pure innocence and joy and peace that exists within us all, that is natural state, is by freeing ourselves from the Ego's clutches. Only then can we remember that we are all connected, brothers and sisters, and that we were never really separate.

This Valentine's Day, instead of focusing all of your love on that one special someone, consider expanding your capacity for unconditional love by offering it to everyone, without exception.

EXERCISE FOR LETTING GO OF JUDGMENT
Sit on a bench in the mall, or in the park, and watch people. Notice the almost automatic tendency to make judgments about them - about their clothes, their hair, their behavior. Feel how you have been trained to judge, to make them wrong somehow, or less than you in some way; or worse, to make them better than you. Notice how your judgment creates a feeling of separation between you and them. Feel how your energy constricts as you categorize them in your mind.

Now peel away the film of judgment and criticism that was there, and look at him, or her, again. Choose to see the innocence in her, regardless of her behavior. Choose to see him as a little boy that was innocent and pure, just like you, who received his own brand of programming and hurtful and confusing messages. Shine the light of compassion on that person, energetically embracing him, seeing him as another innocent soul. Do this with everyone that walks by, regardless of size, shape or color, regardless of behavior, social status or attitude. Do not feed the illusion of separation, for this creates distance between you and your fellow man, this creates distance between you and yourself.

Feel how loving others makes you an open channel, allowing your energy to flow, freely and without inhibition. Only then can we be in true joy, for we have let down our walls, let go of our defenses, and stopped fighting against each other.

By Erica Boucher

This is an excerpt from Erica’s upcoming book, "The Search for the Authentic Self," due out later this year.

Showing Up Naked™ Peeling Away the Layers to Your Authentic Self